


Hanahaki

by clockwork_spider



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Melodrama, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 12:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14748711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockwork_spider/pseuds/clockwork_spider
Summary: TheHanahaki Diseaseis an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient coughs up flower petals. The flowers will keep growing until either the patient’s feelings are returned or the patient’s death. The infection can be removed through surgery, at the cost of the memories of the beloved.Hanahaki Disease is born of romantic love, and can only be cured through romantic love. Friendship is not enough.Why can’t friendship be enough?Soowon coughs up white chrysanthemums.This is a romance fic that focuses on friendship. Set about one and a half year before the coup.





	Hanahaki

It was over the moment it began.

“Hak, I have the hanahaki disease, and you… are the one I have feelings for.”

Saying “have feelings for” was far from precise. Yet it was, perhaps, the most appropriate word for the situation. “Love” was too heavy a word to impose upon his friend, and “like” was too light. Of course Soowon liked Hak, they were best friends.

Hak blinked with apprehension.

“Hey, this isn’t something to joke about,” Hak gave a confused, nervous laugh, this was interrupted by an appropriately timed coughing fit from his friend.

He didn’t need to look at the petals to know.

“Soowon… You…”

It didn’t make sense. Soowon wasn’t someone who would be in love with him. Soowon was supposed to marry the princess and sit on the throne. Soowon was someone who loved the world. Hak was… Hak was but a man. It felt… _wrong._

He never knew.

“How long have you…”

“The flowers? It started a few days ago. I thought it’d be best to let you know as soon as possible.”

 _Yes, the flowers. No. Not just the flowers._ Hak wasn’t sure himself.

He tried not to stare as Soowon recomposed himself, wiped his hands with a handkerchief and tossed the petals into the dirt. He couldn’t give an answer. He didn’t _**know.**_

But Soowon gave a smile full of understanding and said “it’s okay, Hak. I don’t want to impose my feelings on you. If you don’t feel the same way, I can get it removed. I’m just sorry about… well…”

12 years of friendship. 12 years of memories. Their entire lives together. That was the price of getting it removed. Somehow it irked him, to hear Soowon speak so calmly, as if it wasn’t his own feelings and memories.

“We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember!” Hak grabbed a hold of his friend’s hand. He felt something desperate clawing out of him. He couldn’t lose Soowon, he also didn’t want to lose their friendship. “I don’t feel the same way about you now, but I… I’ll try. Please let me try.”

Soowon’s eyes widened, an unmistakable blush crept onto his face. (How did Hak miss it all this time?) “You shouldn’t-” _let your life be determined by my condition._

“Half a year!” Hak interrupted, determined, “if it only started a few days ago, you should still have at least that long to treat it. I’ll try to spend as much time with you as I can before that, you’ll get better, I’ll make sure of it.”

“But what if you find someone you have feelings for?” Soowon asked, “it’s not really fair for you to be bound to me this way.”

Hak thought of the Princess, the way she blushes and fidgets when she spoke of Soowon, and felt a tiny stab of guilt. It felt like he was taking Soowon from Yona. He had always assumed that they would be together. Yona liked Soowon, and Soowon was to be the future king.

But Soowon didn’t belong to Yona. And Hak had never intended to pursue the princess himself.

“Soowon,” Hak said, because Soowon never put himself first, and sometimes Hak resented that, “you won’t be the only one to lose a friend.”

Soowon blinked, contemplated.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I was being presumptuous.” A smile broke across his face, shy, hesitant. “And thank you. I’m glad to have you as a friend.”

 _I love you,_ Hak practiced within his mind. That was what he was supposed to think. He couldn’t say it out loud, not yet. It wouldn’t work if he said it then.

Instead, he pulled Soowon closer, and wrapped his arm around his friend, messing up Soowon’s hair like he did when they were children.

The hug was interrupted by another fit of coughing.

* * *

Yona cried.

Hak didn’t know what to do when Yona cries and neither did Soowon.

As tears filled the big cute eyes the boys looked to one another in horror.

“Princess…” it was always Soowon that handled this kind of situation. Unfortunately, he started coughing, and that made it worse. Now the tears are falling and Hak wanted to die.

“Soowon!” Yona’s large eyes were filled with worry. It frustrated Hak, every time Soowon coughed up another flower and he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t make it stop. Why couldn’t he make it stop?

“It’s okay, Yona, I’m okay!” Soowon was back to his smiling self in no time, discreetly hiding the offending flower.

“You have to love him! Hak!” Yona turned to him with all her royal ferocity, finger pointing at him. “If it’s the two of you…” She sniffed, “when the two of you are together, you can conquer anything. And the three of us can be together forever.”

“That’s…” Soowon smiled and patted Yona’s hair, and Hak didn’t understand why he looked so sad, “that’s a very fortunate dream.”

He didn’t understand, but he didn’t like the sad look on Soowon’s face, didn’t like Yona’s tears, didn’t like the flowers, tainted by bits of blood, or the hoarseness in Soowon’s voice. He wanted to see them happy, he wanted to see them smile, Yona’s smile, sweet and innocent and carefree, and Soowon’s smile, confident and fearless and powerful.

Hak knelt down, “as the Princess commands.” He looked up and grinned. “I am yours, Lord Soowon.” He’ll try. He’ll love Soowon. The three of them will be together in the end and Yona wouldn’t have to cry anymore.

A smile broke across Yona’s face. Soowon’s face became red as a tomato.

It was going to work.

* * *

_‘I love you’_ is what Hak reminded himself every time he saw Soowon, every time he held Soowon’s hand. It’s what he thought when he pushed Soowon’s hair from his face, and allowed their lips to brush across each other like lovers’ do.

Soowon had closed his eyes then, sank against him, all defenses melted away. And suddenly it felt wrong. When Hak closed his eyes all he could see in his mind is Yona and it felt bitter. It felt like betrayal.

Soowon sensed his hesitation and tried to pull away. Hak held him closer.

 _I love you. I love you. I love you._ He repeated it in his mind like a mantra and begun to believe in it. He had always loved Soowon, Soowon was his best friend. It shouldn’t be too far of a leap between friendship and romance.

But then Soowon would cough up another flower.

Soowon never pushed, never blamed him, he just smiles. “It’s okay, Hak,” he said, voice hoarse, eyes red from coughing and being unable to breathe, “I’m still okay.”

Hak felt Soowon’s hand on his and wished he was enough.

* * *

Hak liked being by Soowon’s side. Soowon was brilliant, powerful, and incredibly warm. He always knew exactly what to say, and could make even General Soojin smile.

And when their eyes met, Soowon would smile like the midday sun, and Hak couldn’t help but smile back, a sense of pride swelling in his heart.

To be loved by someone so blinding was a terrifying thing.

* * *

They were watching the stars when Soowon leaned against his side, and Hak instinctively wrapped his arm around his friend.

“I love you, Hak, I love you so much,” Soowon whispered, and choked on his words between wrecking coughs and sobs. Hak felt wetness against his shoulder. Soowon, who always smiled, always strong, was crying. The words Hak ran through his mind by habit were said aloud by Soowon for the first time.

Since when did Soowon felt so light?

Hak knew. He knew it every time Yona called his name, every time she tugged on his sleeve. He knew it in the way his heart tugs and pulls, in the way his stomach lurched, in the way his gaze followed Yona when she was around. The hardest part of unrequited love was hope.

It had been four months, and Soowon’s condition had gotten worse.

Soowon was hurting, fading. Four months ago, Hak would have never thought of Soowon as frail. Soowon was radiant, powerful, a force of nature. They called Hak the Thunder Beast, but Soowon was like the endless summer sky and the sun that rose in the east. But Soowon’s light was fading, broken by the difficulty in eating and the lack of sleep.

 _“Soowon, you won’t be the only one to lose a friend.”_ Hak remembered himself saying. Soowon had never put himself first, and sometimes Hak resented that.

Soowon was trapped, and Hak was the one who trapped him.

“I’m sorry…” Hak said, and he wished he was enough, he wished Soowon didn’t have to hurt. He wished every act of affection didn’t feel like betrayal, “we can stop now.”

Their eyes met again, and Hak could see something within Soowon crumble. _I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

But then Soowon smiled, and said, “it’s okay, it’ll be okay. I’ve been keeping a journal. I’ll still remember that you’re my friend. And whatever I forget, you can remind me.”

“I will,” the words felt heavy on his tongue.

“Perhaps, after I’m cured, I can love you again. Or we could go back to being friends,” Soowon said, tone light, “you’re my best friend and my pride, Hak, and I’ve never once regretted falling for you.”

There was starlight in Soowon’s eyes.

“I love you,” Hak finally allowed it to be said. It was all the truth he knew, and he wished it was enough.

“I know… Thank you.”

Hak pulled Soowon closer, and pushed his friend’s head against his shoulder.

Soowon chuckled softly, his breath tingling against Hak. “I wish… I could just love you.”

Hak wished he was enough.

* * *

Soowon would remember Hak as someone who was supposed to be his friend, the wind general, a prodigy warrior, Yona’s protector. But he wouldn’t remember the curve of Hak’s smile, or the warmth of Hak’s hand in his own, or the feeling in his chest when Hak blocked the alcohol thrown at his face. He’d remember the time they shared with Yona, with Mundok, but not moments like these, when they were alone.

And perhaps it was better that way.

“Can we stay like this,” Soowon asked, “just for a little longer?”

Hak answered with silence and a kiss on the side of Soowon’s head.

There wasn’t any more flowers until the following morning.

* * *

Yona blamed him, of course, and cried again.

Soowon pulled her to the side to comfort her, speaking softly. Hak couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t Soowon who should be doing that. Before long, Yona came bounding back.

“I’m sorry, Hak,” she said, looking right at him with determination, small hands holding his own, “I’ll make sure you won’t be forgotten.”

* * *

The next time they saw one another was Yona’s 15th birthday. Soowon looked healthy, back to his cheerful, energetic-self.

Their eyes met, and for a brief moment, there was no recognition from Soowon. Hak felt his heart sank.

Then, something lit up in Soowon’s eyes and he smiled like the midday sun, and for a moment, it was like nothing ever changed. “General Hak!” Soowon waved. His voice light, casual, and something about it felt off. It felt wrong.

By habit, his mind said ‘I love you’.

Soowon was trying to be his friend, the same way he tried to be Soowon’s lover.

And in Hak’s mind, he remembered bloody petals. He remembered Soowon, shaking, weak, crushed.

But the Soowon before him was healthy and radiant and steady. And perhaps it was better this way.

“Lord Soowon,” Hak smiled, and didn’t close the distance between them.

“It’s good to see you well.”

**Author's Note:**

> I had started to write a follow-up in Soowon's POV, but never finished because... it would be too grim. Hak is actually the one seeing things in rose-tinted glasses here, since Soowon is the one who's planning regicide. 
> 
> Soowon's POV started with  
> The first thought Soowon had upon seeing the flower petals in his hand was “I don’t have time for this.”  
> And yeah... it's a bit...


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